Talking to myself, dont mind me
The frustrations i felt last Sunday, I just assumed it was because I was a girl. “where are the men of God?” But, going through yday and today. I realized its just…lack of support in ministry in general.
It’s not really anyone to blame.
But, having co-leaders becoming a hindrance in your work for God is overwhelmingly discouraging. Sigh. And I know its not intended that way on their part. Mostly due to ignorance and disinterest. But…still makes me feel so weak. I was able to relate to pastors getting burnt out because of the lack of support and followers.
Its worse when they miss the point why I’m so discouraged. Its not about people not listening or taking orders. Its when people misinterpret my heart for God. When you judge and question my intentions. Those things usually don’t affect me …i can just shrug it off. But as leaders together, we need to have the same heart and when we start to misinterpret…No one will support each other. And our ministry suffers bc of that..our kids.
Its about God..but when conflicts form, all of us tend to our poor selves and feelings. Blech. The world, the ministry, the battle …does not revolve around one person. Honestly, its always an active effort to love certain people. I do try but …when our values/desire clash, I don’t even want to try. Sigh. Such a long way to go, sara..
I don’t know a lot about the Bible. But with what I do know, I want to faithfully carry it out. And honestly, some of the things I stand or fight for are just…common sense..sigh
…I know I have many shortcomings and I have much to learn. Impatience is one. I get so appalled when people …consider themselves so important…attention seekers.. Seek the attention of the Lord and pray, cry out to Him.
Sigh…idk. Its also bc i don’t trust them or respect them. Bc of certain things, i consider myself better than them. So I get more frustrated. But Jesus humbled himself to us, to death, even death on a cross!
As I was trying to gain my composure back, i thought about Jesus praying and sweating blood. Reminded me of the verse about resisting till the point of shedding blood. Not just resisting but enduring .. Hm.
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?